By “The Photographer’s Assistant”
The sad eyed distressed and thoroughly unhappy spaniel looked as if his universe had imploded. He had just been rejected by a small boy. He had already been here a little while. It was not within his character to beg so he lay down with his head on his paws waiting for tea time. What he had not spotted was the bedraggled, undistinguished woman, who was praying that the little boy would not want what was clearly a very dispirited spaniel. The Photographers Assistant could not wait for the Photographer to arrive and have a proper look. Would he be enchanted by this animal? The Photographer was dubious. This was a very miserable looking creature. The Assistant was silent, after all this was his present for Fathers Day. His youngest daughter wanted him to have a dog, but she could only afford this one.
The Photographer got a proper look at the animal and the animal got a proper look at him. Well, as you can guess, it was love at first sight. For a whole week, while formalities were being concluded and the daughter came home to see what she was buying, the Photographer visited the dog and took it for a walk. When the dog was finally collected, it raced towards the family and landed in the back of the car and that was that. The dog came home to the Moor, where it had a totally new life. Getting on anyones’ bed at all, it soon realised, was frowned upon, and he did want to please. Being allowed off the lead was novel and he would trot along to heel until he realised freedom was at hand. He could swim, but he never really liked it unless he felt hot. When the daughter came home, she bought some very expensive boots to persuade him into the river, but he only went in to please her.
Eventually, the dog forgot about pleasing his new family, and like the rest of them, he pleased himself. He sincerely believed that he had achieved human status and began to lead his own life. He complained that his basket arrangements were not adequate and demanded a basket that was big enough to take two spaniels. This was his private space and he objected most strongly to any other person attempting to share it. He had always wanted a basket like this and other people would have to get their own. He wanted at least two large drinking bowls and absolutely refused the type that had a dear doggie emblem or any other such nonsense printed on it. He was not keen on beef and made it quite clear that only chicken or duck would do. The Photographer was puzzled that such a stray creature should want such comforts until the Assistant pointed out that he was a more thoroughbred creature than either of them.
Transport was a wonder to the Dog. Cars were to be worshipped. Any car would do, you understand, but in reality, it was a swanky car that really appealed. The Assistants brand new Ka was destroyed within five minutes of a muddy walk on the Moor. Eventually, her car smelt horrid and she gave up trying to clean it. It was the kennel on wheels. The Dog gave due regard, however to swanky cars, and always waited to be lifted in. His exploits in cars were Moor famous. Any passing delivery van would be eyed for a ride. Delivery drivers always eyed the Dog up with dread. No incident was more spectacular than the day he tried for the visiting post mistresses car. While she was fond of dogs, she was not this fond. The dog was a serious wall walker. He would parade above the drive of his owners as if on an Everest assault. The family would be busy elsewhere, and they would forget the wall walker. On this particularly sunny day, the dog was “on one”. The post mistress was on her way out. The dog was poised. He landed in her lap. She was astonished. She always shut her window after that, and when he went to the post office, she left him to her assistant, giving him a sideways glance from some distance away.
The Dog was a keen gardener. He could dig a wide trench, usually just before the lawn was mowed, around any suspect. He enjoyed the screams of dispatched squirrels and when one had been humanely trapped in the strawberry patch, he had no hesitation in killing it in return for lost fruit.
He loved a trip to the beach, particularly with the daughter, where he would show off shamelessly and in excess. He had a most spectacular accident at Sandy Mouth Bay, where he really overdid it. The family realised, too late, together with a beach full of people, who looked up with terror on their faces, while the dog convinced of a lack of vulnerability, dived at least 60 feet off a sheer cliff face. There was silence. The dog, however, aware that he had committed a serious error in public, pretended that the dive was intentional. He picked himself up, shook himself, and ran around in circles, as if nothing had happened. A small trickle of blood came from his nose, but that was it!
He was always happy to please the daughter with his deep interest in modern art. He really didn’t mind how many works of art he trailed around, as long as he could be seen out with an attractive blonde. However he did take exception to Damian Hurst’s creations and treated this exhibit with total distain, as illustrated here. He was always up for a visit to his friend, Virginia’s studio and thought her garden rather beautiful, however, even here, he overstepped the mark. Virginia had an exhibition on and quite independently of his owners, who were busy in the garden, he thought that he would visit. Unfortunately, on his way in the beautiful garden, he forgot what he was there for and quite thoughtlessly, eat a whole packet of Hob Nobb biscuits. The entire village was aghast, and he had deeply upset his owners. He lay low for at least half an hour after that incident!
Marcus’ adventures are too numerous to list here, there was climbing Snowdon, snow, Norfolk RSPB and many many more
He loved the vet’s receptionist with a passion beyond imagining. If he couldn’t have lived with the daughter and the much loved Boyfriend, he would have given all his velvety fur to live with her, but it was not to be.
Marcus ran out of luck and was put to sleep on October 17th after 15 vigorous years. His owners and his community were devastated. We have been spoken to by people with tears in their eyes and no one can have received so many lovely cards about a dog. Marcus has been buried in his beloved garden, where we imagine him in a doggy paradise, sipping champagne in a sports car beside a beautiful blonde, who looks remarkably like Marilyn. She would never be able to resist his charm!
If you would like to see pictures of the Further Adventures of Marcus, just go to:
or follow the link: http://wp.me/p49oYW-1m